that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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