i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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