It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
