you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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