Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
