Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
sarcasm needs its own font
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
