i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
