She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
