There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
