i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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