my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Blood and glitter go together right?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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