You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
