Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
