I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Too much gin, very little bucket
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
