A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
