And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
