i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
