Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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