So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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