It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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