that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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