don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
