Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
