If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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