where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
