you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
