Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
