Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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