I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
