i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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