We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
