Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
