He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
