Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
