i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
