two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
