I am puke
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
