I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
