I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
