Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
