$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
