i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
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