the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
