it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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