Define "chronic" masturbator.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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