i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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