i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
