Jerry, you need to find god
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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