if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
