i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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