The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
