I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
