well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
