I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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