you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Enjoy the penises
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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