does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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