Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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