so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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