so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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