My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We are all done wearing pants today
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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