Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
