This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The struggles of a small town man whore
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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