I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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