I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
