great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
