Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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